“My Machine” by Jane Turula

This machine is not for you. This machine is not to be used by you. To reiterate: this machine is for someone else. Who? Well, it’s one person, you can tell. And she’s small—I mean, really really small. She’s so small, you have to use a magnifying glass to see her. This big machine could be used by many many big big people, but it’s only for small small her. How tall are you? Oh, and she’s slow. I mean, she’s exceedingly slow. It takes her a year just to use the thing. Fast fast machine takes seconds. Slow slow woman takes about a year(if we’re lucky). And sometimes, she spends so long using it, that by the next time she’s already forgotten how to use it. Teaching her takes even longer. When did you last use it? Okay, so you can remember, right? Simple. If you could use this machine, you would be pretty good at it. But, big fast machine you you no no. Big big fast fast slow slow(and small, small). Got it? Yes Yes? Good Good.

Let’s go over something: you are not allowed to use this machine. Okay? Need more explanation?
                    Many can use this machine, but they can’t. Especially you. You could have used it today, but unfortunately you missed your chance. You screwed up big time, sonny. What’s that? What did you do wrong? Sorry, I have a hard time hearing people who can’t use this machine. I have a hard time hearing people who screwed up. I have a hard time hearing. No, really. My doctor says I have a problem.
The fact of the matter is, you could have used it, but you can’t, because you screwed up. Remember? Remember you screwing up?
It was a hundred years ago when yo–
What? What do you mean you weren’t alive then?

It could have been someone else? But the witness said it was you.
Who?!

You!
Oh, the witness?
Well, I could get her on the phone but it takes her so long to pick up…

Anyway, since you’re wrong and she’s right, you’re no no machine no, yes?
Big big many many fast fast no use. You big. You fast. You good. You and Us. We are. But also:

You. Bad.

She. Victim.

She. Hero.

She. Small.

She. Nobody.

And today, she gets the machine.

Jane Turula is a second-year majoring in Entertainment and Media Studies and minoring in English from Athens, GA. This pupa has never tried to publish before but writes compulsively. One could say it is genetic—she is of the third generation of UGA academics who have a hard time wriggling themselves away from literature. She has a lot of ideas and would like to see them put to good use. Perhaps, one day, you will even see her try to film them. Alternatively, she could place her musings in the UGA admissions packets she puts together as a student worker at Terrell Hall, but this would most likely get her fired.