I am nobody’s first choice.
maybe that’s what instilled in me
the want to be wanted,
the need to be needed,
rooted in me relentless yearning
for fixing what I cannot fix,
healing what I cannot heal,
what wants to stay shattered and strewn
across the floor.
I wanted to be enough for you –
I said I didn’t think I could be,
and I was right.
Always right.
I loved being the first you called when
anxiety ate at your heart,
loved that my voice was all you needed
to be happy just for a moment.
I would do it all over again –
I only wish I could’ve been enough
to make you want to stay,
to relieve this pain from the past, from the present
that you can’t let go of yet.
No matter how hard you try,
you can’t fix what wants to stay broken,
and the irony of it all is,
now I’m broken too.
And it’s so tempting
to want to be broken together,
but then all you get,
is double the pieces.